Tuesday, 6 November 2012

From "athlette" to "librarienne", I propose some new words.

Further to my earlier post on the subject, I would like to propose a host of new words we should introduce into our language post haste.

ATHLETTE
A single "t" in a word can make a great deal of difference. If you know you're going to be watching the performance of an athlette -- as opposed to an athlete -- you know you can sit back, relax, not worry about serious sport, and just enjoy those bouncing titties.

GRADUETTE
It is a bit weird when a woman graduates in anything other than Gender Studies, but if you actually care whether or not your hot new secretary has any qualifications, let's give her the sweeter title of graduette to stop her acting like she's somehow better than you.

TEACHESSE
Woman teachers can't teach sports, and they miss out the war bits in history lessons. There should be specific teaching roles designed for women (such as Home Economics), with the tite of "Teachesse".

POLICE OFFICESSE
Nobody takes female police officers seriously. So when we hear that they're sending a police officesse round to our flat, we don't have to bother hiding our stash of weed. What's she going to do, shake her little fist at us?

SCRIPTWRITETTE
It's important for producers and directors to know that the scriptwriter they're considering is in fact a woman. That way they can either fire her and go for a serious scriptwriter, or decide that they do actually want a melodramatic script filled with tears and emotion.

MARKETETTE
Don't you just hate it when you get a marketing job and your boss turns out to be a bossette? We don't want to know if we're going to be working for a marketeer. We want to know if we're going to have to be answering to someone who doesn't know the off-side rule.

LIBRARIENNE
Most librarians are female, so it's about time they got their own title instead of nicking the normal one from the guys. Don't you think?

DOCTEUSE
Using the suffix "euse" as in "masseuse", this female version of the title "doctor" will give you a nice, comforting -- slightly sexy -- feeling when you go for a medical checkup.

WARRIURE
The female warrior. Let's face it, when it comes to video games we all dress our female warrior characters in revealing armour (or what's the point in her being a woman?), so let's call her a warriure so we know to expect feminine wiles instead of actual fighting prowess.

I also propose using these titles for gay men.

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