Saturday, 13 November 2010

Day 49

No offence to my fellow inebriates, but the most interesting people you meet are less in social mashes (though I did meet someone at a party with an absolutely astounding war story that I can't quite remember and that may not be true) and more in silly places. Like the local fish 'n' chippery. I only discovered the fish 'n' chippery today. It's a nice fish 'n' chippery with a chipper fish 'n' chipper. She was very nice and talked so much that she gave me free things. Apparently, Paul McCartney and Heather Mills were there a few years ago - that's not the interesting thing, though. The interesting thing is that Paul McCartney ordered pickled onions. Why? Why would you do that if you were in the Beatles? I studied logic in philosophy only last year; I must be able to come up with a formula.

While I do that, here is an epiphany I came up with earlier today, vis-à-vis absolutely nothing whatsoever. I realised that the word "father" is very cool. Not "dad", not "pops", not "mustachioed wine-sipping historian"; but "father". If you are a girl, it is cool if you refer to your "father" as something intimidating. For around 10 years now I have planned to be faced with a dubious contract in a mysterious office, at which point I will say "excuse me, I just have to phone my father's lawyer".

If you are a boy, "father" is cool no matter what context you use it in. It is coolest if you are seeking him. Or possibly avenging him. Certainly following in his footprints -- or indeed pawprints, if you are a lion. It helps if you are a blacksmith, squire (and inevitably Knight-to-be) or, possibly, and for some reason, a war journalist.

"Son" is also quite cool. It helps if you have loads of them - preferably each with a different skill and/or weapon - and when they are young you must gather them up and call them "my boys".

What's also cool is if you have hair only just long enough to fall into your eyes. Well not LITERALLY into your eyes obviously. That's not cool, that's cholera.

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